


phantom sensations (i wonder if you're still there)

by electricstars



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Drabble, Flash is only mentioned, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hurt Peter Parker, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Panic Attacks, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Recovery, References to Depression, Survivor Guilt, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, also not starker ya nasties, only slightly, peters dealing w/ shit but he gets through it! and so can you :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 09:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19148707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricstars/pseuds/electricstars
Summary: Despite his advanced spider physiology, Peter takes a long time to heal.





	phantom sensations (i wonder if you're still there)

**Author's Note:**

> hi there!  
> apologies in advance for the multiple errors in this fic, its 5 AM where i am rn and i churned this out in an hour or so so naturally its going to be bad but i wanted to share anyways.  
> enjoy :)

Peter would sit outside on some uncomfortable brick rooftop after patrol and just stare at the stars, picking out the brightest one and imagining it was Tony, looking down at him. He wondered if he was proud, proud that even after all that happened he still stuck together.

But some days, he didn’t stick together. He fell apart like a shitty 7th grade science project and cried for hours - days, even - unable to think of anything but the pain and the past. It was the littlest of things. A whiff of the familiar cologne he would wear, stuck like burrs on an old shirt he wore when they would work together on his suit, unwashed and untouched since then. Or when the wind would tussle his hair, and it felt like Tony passing his hand through his curls as a sign of pride in his boy. When he’d hear the theme song for Seinfeld blast on the TV in the apartment and thick, warm tears would flood down his face, because that’s what they would watch when they got tired of working on the suit. When he’d panic at school because he missed an assignment, or Flash said something again, and he retreated to the bathroom and saw his contact on his phone he’d just cry even harder. He wasn’t there anymore and he wished, he so desperately wished, that he hadn’t taken all those days with Tony for granted. He got sick of the suit some days. He got so bitterly angry for no reason, seething with rage at the thought of the suit because if Mr. Stark wouldn’t of met him, and if he didn’t become Spider-Man, he wouldn’t be gone. Touching it leaves an unpleasant tingling sensation in his fingertips, as though he wasn’t supposed to disturb it. But then, he remembers he’s Spider-Man and he has a job to do. Mr. Stark wouldn’t be proud if he abandoned his duties like that.

***

His finger hovers over the call button. The action feels out of place. He sits on his bed, cross-legged, illuminated by the soft light of his phone screen, trying to put his finger on what was wrong. He got it. Hot, fat tears pour down his cheeks. He suppresses a sob, throwing the phone at the foot of the bed out of misdirected anger. He flops on his back and buries his palms in his eyes, trying to make the tears stop, because this is the fifth time this week and it’s only Tuesday and Aunt May would be worried about him and- His chest constricts painfully as he chokes back a wail. He grips his baby blanket — recently unearthed from the depths of his closet, where he found his old T-shirt that reminded him of Tony — until his knuckles turn white and his fingers hurt. He tries to control his breathing, just like his late mentor showed him, but it makes him cry even harder. He cries himself to sleep that night, finally succumbing to the heavy weight of sleep at exactly 4:56AM on a school night.

MJ and Ned don't ask many questions and he’s very thankful. He’d probably end up crying or hitting something, and they didn’t need to see that. They manifest their understanding in different ways. MJ lets him copy off homework if he didn’t do it. Ned brings him little home-baked treats, or he invites him over to build LEGO sets, because he knows that if he goes back to the empty apartment he’ll break again.

 

Progress is a slow thing, he eventually learns. It takes him a while to dig himself out of the hole he was in. On the 482th day after losing Mr. Stark, he doesn’t cry when he remembers him. Instead, he smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!!! kudos always appreciated :^)


End file.
